Ah, the winter cold...

Finally, an excuse to behave as poorly as I dreamed of.  I am justified in showing late to work, sitting in front of my screen and drooling, taking copious amounts of sedatives, eating salty junk food 'cause it's the only thing I can taste and sleeping for 12 hour stretches.  Not only is this behavior forgivable, it's good for me!  So, other than feeling like shit, this is great!

The double whamy

I got a cold, or quite possibly the flu, and my period. Since I can't breathe without my mouth open I keep waking up with drool on my face, which means the majority of my orifices are leaking at this point.
I've been banished to the bedroom with my cold pills and heating pads. And my niffy new netbook along with my jerry rigged wireless so I'll manage somehow.

Other things I want for Xmas

Platinum blond hair and an asymmetric bob.
A red cardigan that's actually soft.
Attitude.
Someone else to paint the bathroom.
A second rabbit to be the current rabbit's pet.  A guinea pig with long ears is also acceptable.

All I want for Christmas

A Qubus Little Joseph candle holder, and...

image via Salon Store

a Wonderland Lady candle holder found on Speranza Design Gallery.

Oh, let's do...

Out Front Colorado has put out a manifesto calling for a gay secession!   Here are my favorite bits, but please read the whole thing at Out Front's website, it's completely worth it.   

"Time and time again, American political and democratic processes have failed the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community. While we commend the efforts of our allies and comrades who have courageously fought for our right to be recognized as equal citizens by the law, it has become clear that we are not welcome in the United States of America.

Countless times, we have watched as our right to equality is put up to a public vote. And time and time again, even when those rights have been secured by forward-thinking, equality-minded legislatures andcourts, we have watched American votersrevoke those rights. The message is clear: In a majority of American voters’ eyes, we are less than full citizens. We are not worthy of the same protection under the law. Our children do not deserve the same rights as other children do to have two loving parents whose marriage is recognized by their state and government agencies. Our relationships, no matter how long-lasting, do not grant us the right to honor a partner’s dying wish, or be in the hospital room as she takes her last breath. Those relationships do not qualify(PDF) as valid enough to provide a needy child a loving home. Our economic contribution, when coupled with a partner’s with whom we share a home, does not warrant the same kind of government-granted reward in the form of a tax break. We are permitted to die for our country, but we cannot live openly as who we are.

Most Americans consider these things rights. Yet most Americans have demonstrated to us at the ballot box that, when it comes to us, the rights they enjoy are our privileges, granted and taken away at the whim of our “superiors”.

...But we are tired of waiting. We refuse to be second-class citizens. We refuse to continue to pay taxes and make political, social and economic contributions to a government, society and culture that does not permit us to live freely. We refuse to be complicit in a system that does not recognize our existence, let alone our inherent right to equality.

Following yet another failure by the American Democratic process – this time, a legislative process rather than a popular vote – to recognize or even vaguely protect our rights as equal citizens, we propose radical measures.

Therefore, we are claiming the U.S. states known as California, Oregon and Washington, in the name of LGBT former Americans, as a separate nation, heretofore to be known asLiBerTy Gayte.

...A sort of “Gayden of Eden,” LiBerTy Gayte citizens will enjoy the rights denied them in the United States. Initially, citizenship will be granted exclusively to LGBT former Americans. To establish a strong infrastructure and economic market, citizens will be given jobs according to their abilities.

...Our belief in equality will drive our own policy-making and remain at the forefront of our National conscience. With the adoption of this manifesto, we will enjoy the same rights as every full American citizen does today.

In other words, we will finally be equal."

Yes this is the condensed version, but go and read the whole thing.  Now.

Motherfuckingsonaofbitch...

Less than 60%.  No change in schedule, although the want me to be an hourly worker so I might be able to get overtime but that is so painfully unlikely that's not worth considering.  They've told me anything over additional .50/hr isn't doable.  So of course I asked for that and an additional week of vacation.  So far I've been told that it's not doable because of employee handbook (which has been defunct for years).
Anyway, the part that really gets to me is that they don't think I'll leave.  I was actually told that, and it is sooo crazy that they don't think a 20 something IT worker/super secretary might have other opportunities for employment elsewhere.  Ugh.  Just that they think a 20 something would have any loyalty to job that has obviously been taken just to pay the bills is insane.  Hell, to think that anybody who's doing a job that they don't love will stay on indefinitely is crazy.  I'm sure that they're using the logic that the market is down therefore employees don't have any other choices.

Furthermore, if this the peak of what I can earn here why would I have any interest in continue to work here for more than the coming year?  If I've reached that top here I can use reach a new goal.

I know that I'm reading far to much into this, but this is my blog so I'm going to continue on down the crazy path.  It bugs me, the assumption that I won't go elsewhere, because it makes me feel that my lack of self-esteem, or confidence, is something they can see.  And maybe it is to a certain degree, but I feel so exposed.  This is my first real job and grew up in a household where conflict of any sort was to be avoided at any cost.  I was also taught that I should take what I can get and I that I can always do with less.  The prize was a badge of misery that could be worn with a sick pride.  So all this negation and making demands stuff is new to me.

Anyway, hopefully I'll get that extra time off to help me in the job search.

Today's the day, maybe.

I'm supposed to find out about my raise today. I've already been told that it's less than what I asked for, but that if I look at what will be my hourly rate it'll be significant.  Which is odd considering that I'm a salary worker, not hourly.  Ominous.
I've been waiting impatiently for several hours now to get the news that I was told I would receive today.  I'm starting to get a bit annoyed.  Shock and horror.  It's killing me, I want to know right now how it is that they are planning on screwing me over.  My pet theory is that they will make me an hourly worker (see above) drop my hours, divide my old salary by my new reduced hours, and ta-da, significant increase in hourly pay!  To do this they would have to drop at least 8 hours a week, and although it would be nice work only four days a week, its not what I want.  Nor is it realistic.
A decent increase in salary (what I would consider a decent, not great, but decent) with reduced hours might work.  I really wish I had a mentor right now.  I feel that if they offer me 60% or less of what I asked for (very nicely, I might add) is an insult.  Unless I can get more vacation time and reduced hours.  However, I don't really know.   I don't know anyway who's gone after a big raise.  Or even negotiated their salary.  I don't know anybody else who does the kind of job I do.  I don't know anyone who's argued, civilly, with their boss(es).
The only thing I can do to guarantee the raise I want is to threaten to walk.  But I can't do that right now, and a threat I can't make good on is less than useless. I keep telling myself, just 6 more months here and then I'm gone, regardless.  Which does make me feel better, but it won't really help get rid of the sting of being told that my work is not worth that much. The worst part is that I did quite a bit of salary research and took into account the amount of time I spend on the different duties of my job, the company's size, and the nature of the company, so the amount I asked for is considerably less than what average salary my position typically pays.  So getting a low offer is going to suck extra hard.
Anyway, I await with bated breath for their answer.

New favorite site!

Yet another way for me to screw around and waste time! TiltShiftMaker, it makes regular photos like the one below into...

something that looks a part model train scenery. See image below. Once I get home I will begin the process of converting all my photos.

Random career genarator

I think I've found my programing project for the final.

If all goes well I will be moving on from my current job by mid 2010.  The horrible catch is that this next job needs be a step down the dark and spooky career path.

Of course I can spend all day fantasying about all the things I'd rather be doing, but actually putting my money where my mind is... ugh.   So, right now I've got roughly six months to finally do what I've been putting off for the past 27 years, decide what the fuck it is what I want to for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, until I drop dead.

Unless M is planing on dropping out of grad school to pursue med school then housewife is out of the question.  Besides, she would probably become neurosurgeon only to work for free in some godforsaken part of the 3rd world.  Anyway, I'll take housewife off the list, that'll narrow things down a bit.

Lez look at the possible career choice for young women... oh wait maybe this will help!

Image via Contexts

Image via Boing Boing

if only I had this game when I was little, I wouldn't be in such a pickle.

Tumblr

• I've got me one them fancy tumblr accounts!  It's like blogging but with less writing, which means less thinking, which means this will work well for me.  Now go look at it and marvel at my even less skillful writing!
• theworkiskillingmeontheinside.tumblr.com

Office bag lady

Now that I've been at my job for over two years and now that I'm closer to 30 than I am to 20 I'm finally reviewing my work clothes. The majority of my work clothes were bought in a panicked state a day before I started my job. Needless to say I did not buy them for comfort or quality. The pants that fit well are beginning to fray on the seams. All the seams. It's looks like I'm wearing fringed pants. The other pants were inappropriately tight and some tops so loose the collars would slip down over my shoulder giving me a fabulous eighties look. My black capris (eeewwwww) are now a medium gray and my gray capris are hip huggers which I no longer find acceptable.
Even my shoes are starting to fall apart. Granted, I didn't buy the shoes because I didn't have any I could wear to the office, but until now I never understood that shoes wear out I just thought you outgrew them, physically or style-wise. I don't think I've brought shoes out of necessity since my feet stopped growing at size 10.
Anyway, my beloved (multiple) pairs of sky high black heels are being worn down to nubs, the soles are developing holes and the leather (the pre-veg purchases) is beginning to peel. I thought I was going to wear them forever, but not that I would wear them everyday. My poor babies!
Where was I going with this? The point is that if you caught me on the right day I would look like a bag lady. Especially if I'm wearing one of the purses the rabbit has chewed on.

Spanish to English and back again

ockera. I have no idea if that's spelled right, but I will find out. Anyway- M was asked by client if she was a rockera. Which, I guess is the Spanish language equivalent of an alt-chick. Actually she's been asked this more than once now.
I have been asked by several people at my job if I'm goth.
I wouldn't bring this up, but its just something that neither of us sees in each other or our respective selves. Nor are these looks that we're particularly enamored with (unlike mod or teddy girl, which we would be flattered to be mistaken for. Especially since neither of us have the clothes for either look).
We can't figure out how it is that we keep getting these questions seeing as how we both wear conservative office clothes (mine have quite a few floral prints) and we both wear office lady jewelry. Maybe its the heels? But then again we both wear flats quite a bit of the time. I thought that maybe its the hair, but when I was asked the goth question my hair was actually close to it's natural medium brown, not the black I have right now. M's hair is black-brown naturally and it's (kind of) a mod cut.

lood. Everywhere, absolutely everywhere.  How's that to start your day?  After a few fairly peaceful months I've had another dramatic start to my period.  Oh, sure the day started fine, minor cramps, a little tried and achey but other than that I felt fine.  By lunch time, however,  my body apparently made the decision that it didn't particularly care for my emotional well being, or our shared physical well being.  From there things quickly spiraled out of control.
I got home and decided that I would skip lunch and have a light snack of Ibuprofen instead followed by a heating pad chaser.  I really thought that meds and a hour with the heating pad would make me feel better.  Instead the cramps began to really intensify  and I began to get trembly.  I actually had to call work and tell them I couldn't come back.  So that was my Monday, 5 hours at work, the next 6 in extreme pain, followed by another 10 in general discomfort.

Anyway, isn't the drop cap great?  Found it at Daily Drop Cap.

I don't care how busy I am...

it's time to start blogging again.
My work load has increased to an insane degree, although my pay has remained static. It's so nice to know that certain things in my life remain constant.
I've taken all the pens and paper clips I can handle so I'm forced to steal time to give balance to my work life. That way I can pretend I work here on an hourly bases for a decent hourly rate.

Why?

The images below

are quick little doodles that I create everyday at work. There are hundreds of those awful little things, but I get very attached to everything that expresses my spite.

Head resting gently on desk

I'm not dead, just sleeping

Quote of the Day

M has a fear of tsunamis.  Even though we're about 10 miles inland and don't live on the bottom floor of our building, she's convinced that this particular natural disaster will be the main factor in her demise.   Here's our conversation from today;
Me: Do you know how big a tsunami would have to be to damage our home?
M (with a dead serious expression and tone) : Impossibly big!

Variety Hour!

I would call my job soul-crushing, but...

I don't believe in the soul.  I do believe in the mind, so I will say this job is mind-numbing.  It's very, very, very slow around here during the summer.  But at least it's air-conditioned and has super speedy internet.  So I will consider this my summer vacation and entertain you with a list of things I've done on summer vacation;

* Spaced-out
*Day Dreamed
*Discovered the world of wallpaper(as decorative paper that goes on walls, not desktop backgrounds) , and found the inexpensive corner of it which I can inhabit.  I have a wish list, but I haven't purchased anything.
*I go to insurance-covered therapy once a week in Beverly Hills.  On the bus.  But it's kinda like going to a fancy spa, right?  A brain spa. No? *sigh*
*Spent hours of my work day reading on-line comics.
*I didn't go to any movies this summer, but I did read the spoilers for every mainstream horror movie that came out.
* I got hit on by a variety of homeless men.
*Our car was broken into- so M and I got to travel to LA's TJ to replace the window.  Very exotic.  The place we ate breakfast at even had a parrot that can say, "viejo gordo (fat old man)".
*I've gone out drinking with some very hard drinkers, but I haven't thrown up.
*Slept with my eyes open, while typing nonsense at work so I look productive. 
*Obsessively checked my email, myspace, and facebook.

I know it's an impressive list, but one shouldn't be jealous.

My little brother congratulates me...

on my transition from woman-child to childish-woman via email.

"you have finally shed the husk of nymph-hood and pupated into a mature human.

Soon, you will have a thick wool cardigan, three snotty kids, and a suite of woodworking tools in your spacious garage.  You will need coffee and whiskey to live, and will find the mores of 19-year-olds offensive and baffling.  Your mandibles will grow heavier and sharper, sickle-like.  Your thorax will lose that glossy iridescent sheen common to immature specimens, darkening to a metallic bronze.

Congratulations on becoming an adult, big sister."

I have posted this without consent, for I do indeed have the largest mandibles in the family and my sibling should be grateful that I did not devour him as I did the others.

Paying for Parking

Eeee- we's so grown-up!

Our car was broken into!

Yesterday, actually.  And our stereo was stolen.  I didn't know that people stole those anymore, especially ones like ours where it cost way more to install than it did to buy...  Anyway, I'm particularly shocked that I don't feel violated or threatened.  I think it's because it wasn't just our car that was smashed and robbed, but one of six cars (all belonging to various neighbors of mine), it took away the sting.  So did the fact the this apparently happened to a bunch of people last week, and the week before that, and before that...

So (almost) needless to say we're now paying for a parking spot in a gated lot, that has a security guard.

And I would like to state for the record that our thief was very considerate and when s/he ripped the radio from the dash that s/he didn't damage the wires that control the AC.  They did a very good job.

Mondays...

Same fuckin' thing every Monday...

Painfully long work lunch

The last topic of discussion was earthquakes.  Not the causes, not actual disasters, not thought out ways of preparing for them, just earthquakes. I spent the whole time wishing for one to happen right then and there.

I can't stand this kind of stuff.  These long, long discussions that can't even really be considered discussion.  They really resemble monologues, with a shared theme, for all the interaction involved.  Maybe monologue is too generous, because that can include some sort of unique insight.  Everything is an announcement.  It's very "I heard this about that", followed by "Yeah, I heard that too, but I also heard that about this." It's like having the 10PM TV newscast to lunch.  And just any old nighttime news either, but the local Sunday evening news.

 And that kind of behavior is really what blogs are for.

Quote of Yesterday

Whilst waiting for the bus a man in a wheelchair starts to think out loud;
"Girl you must be rich, 'cause you brought yo'self some beautiful breasts.  Them some fine (my emphasis) titties.  You should really put some that into your ass."

Note to self, wear tighter pants.

My computer is haunting me at work!

Does that mean it's really dead?
Anyway I just saw this over at lifehacker, the Computer Hardware Chart, and I started having flashbacks,

Via lifehacker 

Something unsettling in the bathroom

The bathroom at my job has several, what I will call, soothing framed prints in it.  There's four of them, and really, no other theme than "soothing" connects them.  But that changed today, one has taken on a deeply disturbing aspect. The one that just happens to be best viewed when one is sitting on the toilet.  It's photo of  a damp looking rock in multicolored sand, a very dark rock.  

And today I just realized it looks exactly like somebody took a shit on the beach at sunset, took a photo and fucking framed it.  Maybe it's actually a Hirst, an Emin, or a Serrano. Or a film still from Pink Flamingos, from a scene that never made it in, a day at the beach scene. But I doubt it.

Loves it!

Image via Curbly 

The inside of my case is...

HP's big, fat, fuck you. 

I don't think it was designed to ever have the power supply removed.  Not by me anyway.

The HP upgrade manual explains how to remove the disk drive, the hard drive, and memory, but the PSU, oh no.  But despite a lack of information, and experience, we (M and I) managed to remove it all the same.  We removed the motherboard and ripped one the wires that powers the fan.  M feels confident that with the aid of some electric tape acquired from a Japanese 99 cents store she can reconnect the wire.  

Anyway- we got it out and now I fear that I may not be able find a supply narrow enough to fit in the case. Whatever, we're getting a Mac anyway.  This project went from high priority, better be super-duper careful to let's crack this thing open and see what makes it tick.  

I was disappointed to find out that it was not powered by a hamster on wheel.

Panda Mushroom Cloud! Yay!

My home computer, the pitiful PC,  has betrayed me and stopped working.   I'm too distraught to be witty, so just watch the cartoon below.

While you're at it, enjoy these images too,

Images and video via Mari-chan 

Science quiz

I was listing to the radio and overheard that the Pew Research Center  has released the results of their science poll.  The report was basically pointing the wide discrepancies between the scientist and the lay person in their knowledge and point the usual hilarious/shameful lack of basic, basic science knowledge.

I wanted to wanted to see the question, so I went over to the Pew site and took the science quiz.  I had thought that there would be some easy ones in there, but that they would throw in some metric system question that would give me the predictably low non-scientist American score.  Not so!  All the questions were easy.  Which I find alarming.  Anyway, take the quiz here .

So proud of so little.

Work tool

The mighty paper clip.  Now that I'm network admin, it's the most useful tool in the world, beating out the alan wrench that has helped me put four homes together and dismantle three.  I spend most my time reseting phones, iPods, routers, WAPs, my computer, other computers, and forcing CDs to eject.  Couldn't do it without my trusty bent paper clip.  This job is so high tech.

Back to motherfuckin' work

Image via io9 

When I grow up

I hope that I make actual IT money. Right now I make "you're a girl with no qualifications for this job, but somehow you everything work so we can afford to pay you a little bit more than you got as a secretary" money.
Anyway I look forward to the day when I am actually recognized, with money of course, for what I do. Because then I won't be drinking a can of Coke in the morning, I'll be doing a line of coke.

Hunting the wily Barbie Deer

I have discovered a new species of cuteness that I will now obsessively procure until I'm embarrassed about it, at which point I will bequeath the collection to my mother's house.

Images via Japanese Gift Market  

And it only took me 13 years to finish it...

I have finally, after many false starts, finished Jeff Noon's Vurt.  I must have been about 13 when I started reading it,  I would start to get into it and then get really put off by something.  At first it was the incest, then it was the lack of explanation as to why there are dogpeople, and what is a shadow, and is what is vurt anyway?  But now the fully grown me cares not for reasons, now I understand a story is not always what it appears to be except when it is, and the bizarre and disturbing just don't get to me like they used to.  Let rephrase that last part, I find a lot of the stuff (fiction, non-fiction and it affects on my psyche should really get its own post) I read very disturbing and bizarre, but now I enjoy it.  I like that it's a challenge, and that it forces you to really think about it in the context of the story and what is the author's point.  When I was younger I was able to toss aside plenty of books by just assuming the author's a really fucked-up pervert,  therefore the work is worthless.  It was a very literal way of reading, I know.  Now I can say that the author probably is a fucked-up pervert, but doesn't that just add to the entertainment value?  Ah, maturity is a wonderful thing.

Anyway, I read it from start to finish within two days this time.

"Baby, he don't got to know."

Whenever I get hit on as I walk the streets of LA, I always say "I'm married and my husband doesn't approve of me having male friends," and my suitors always reply, with some variation, "Baby, he don't got to know."
I should start responding with, "Look buddy, it's hard enough to cheat on him with the other two guys who said that to me, I just don't have anymore free time in schedule, I mean I've got to pick up the kids from school sometime!  For fuck's sake, I'm not a super woman.  I've got a lot of people on my plate right now, and if this next kid doesn't look like him I'm in big trouble."
I know the truth wouldn't help, "I'm married to a wonderful woman," will be met with an offer to take us both out...

Got my promotion!

I'm now a network administrator and I'm drunk on power!  Actually, I'm buzzed on cold pills, but close enough.  My first project as network admin?  Fix one the office wireless networks, one that the original IT guy, the one with lots of experience and qualifications advised my bosses to get rid of because it was too expensive, too complicated and an all around piece of over priced crap.  About a year and half ago we got this dire warning, but someone in the office had insisted on buying a $500 access point that's incredibly unreliable.
Anyway the point is it's my job to fix it.  In theory this'll be a piece a cake, in practice I hope my phenomenal luck will get me through this.  I'm waiting for the router to come in, so I'm "pre trouble shooting"... what fun.  I can't wait to see what happens with this.

Wonderful world of mini washers

As an apartment dweller for the past 6 years of my life I've dreamed of the opportunity of having my washing machine and dryer. Some (very few) apartments come equipped with these luxury necessities, those that do have been well out of my price range, but now I've discover the miniwasher and am eager to damage my new dwelling. They're ittle-bittle, which defines them as cute, and I would never need to let laundry pile up around the home, I could just toss in the wash. Oh, I feel giddy.

I think the dryer/washer combo above is likely out my price range, and probably uses an ungodly amount of energy. And, of course the washer could always leak and cause enough damage to get me evicted.
So I think I'll try my luck with this, the Eco Egg lingerie washer!

Which is even smaller, therefore cuter.

How do you feel today?

Euphoric and strange, just like these girls.

David Carrdine Dead!

In Bangkok, no less... I guess there'll be no Kill Bill III...Oops, I Missed.  But let's not make jokes and remember him for his finest work from his long film career, Death Race 2000.

I think I might be a zombie

I've been really sick for this past few days, so sick I'm concerned that I might have died and am now sitting at my desk as a member of the living dead.  It could be worse, zombie are very chic now for some reason... I guess that the rest of the world has caught on with the campy goodness that combines so well with the terrifying idea of a tireless predator that can't feel pain.  
Anyway, I'm one of those now, but more in the style of Night of the Living Dorks rather than Resident Evil.


Moving on, I've had the stomach flu, or possibly food poisoning, I'm not terribly sure which.  For two days I ate nothing and still managed to throw up.  I know, I amaze myself too.  

I craves...

Eggs!  All week I've been devouring those fuckers.  And by fuckers I mean egg-beaters.  Which means I'll never be able to use these super cute gun shapes for 'em, because they demand to be made into scrambles... maybe these things could be used as cookie cutters.

 Every item in the fridge has made at one point or another into that gooey mixture.  Tomatoes, basil, garlic, shallots, cilantro, bell peppers, chiles, corn, spinach, croutons and cheese have all  been mercilessly sacrificed to my craving de jour.  

Even when I've had nasty egg things, like the commune eggs from Mao's (I know it's shocking that commune doesn't equal delicious) I still ate all the egg out of the dish.  They've been burned into our collective food mind, I know this because X just sent me a recipe for a better (edible) version of the dish and it's been over a week since we were subjected to this trauma.  

Nightmares!

The other night I had a nonstop nightmare fest that actually prevented me from sleeping for more than minutes at a time.  Last, last night, I kept drifting off to sleep thinking of various scary scenarios, which I knew was a bad idea, but I couldn't help myself.  Each time I would drop off it would be into some new nightmare.  An uber-nightmare, if you will.  Zombies, misc. monsters, murders, and ghost ( I've never had a nightmare with ghost, ever) continuously acting out some horrific play, sometimes with slight variations, sometimes with totally different plots.
I thought maybe this was related to my midnight cheesecake binge at Denny's, or the aftershock of therapy, but I then I realized the real cause; horror movie depravation!
Yup, that has to be it, because for the past few days not one faux-gore soaked scene has graced by optical nerves.  There are two reasons for this, each more dastardly than the last; the rabbit chewed up my ethernet cable shutting down internet access and I seen every horror movie worth watching on Netflix streaming.
Under normal circumstances I rarely have nightmares, or at least I don't have nightmares involving monsters et al.  But without my daily does of focus grouped ultra violence moving smart ass viewer to terrified, or more often deeply confused, participant.

Since I still haven't heard anything my raise...

That's not true, I got a "we work something out" last week.  But since then I haven't heard anything, not has the bookkeeper, which means no research has been done as the raise.  So, in my passive aggressive way I am rebelling.  By working on notecard invites to send to friends for all the fabulous future parties that we'll be hosting.
Here are the two I did yesterday;

I think they would look cute printed on small index cards with a "hand drawn" map on the back.  And the usual info, time, date place, etc. of course.

Going to the subject, the cause of my angst, the raise, it looks like I have to bring it up once again.  Motherfuckinsonofbitch.  Don't get me wrong, I'm pleased that I've been so ballsy about the whole thing and that I'm willing to pursue something that I want.  But no real progress has been made other than acknowledgement and the "promise" that something with be "worked out", whatever that means...

*le sigh*

What I did at work today

Hooray for new fonts!

This weekend/ Mother's Day

Tonight I've been invited to go out on the town with my friend J to celebrate his birthday.  By night on the town I mean a night of hard core boozing.  I don't think I can drink hard liquor anytime soon...

So my goal is a two beer limit( because they have two for one special at Fiesta Cantina).  But I've also been considering the alternative to drinking proposed by my mother, drugs.  That's right, whilst chatting with her earlier this week, about booze, she began her speech on how alcohol is a waste of time because it'll make you nauseous but drugs don't.  I assume she means that you get a much cleaner buzz, then we started talking about Trainspotting...  

I know, and have know for close to a decade now, about her fondness for pot.  If I had been a more worldly child I would have know this when I was about 6 or 7.  I had found zig-zag papers in her purse, which I assumed she was using to roll cigarettes, and I got really upset because she had just stopped smoking.  If only I had know that she was actually rolling joints and not smokes it would have saved me a lot of anxiety.

Moving part 4

The beast (the bunny) has finally acclimated to her new environment.  She spent the first two days hiding under the bed and behind the toilet, but she's forgotten that she weighs only four pounds and is challenging  us over who's is in charge the new place.
In order to appease her, and keep her from nibble in the walls, furniture, and electrical cables I want to buy her a bunny maze, see the teensy image below.  Doesn't that look fun?  I bet she act like a cat and never use it, because she knows that it is for her...

Childhood memories finally accurately remembered!

Art by Joshua Hoffine has given back my nightmares.  Thank you!  

View his gallery here.

Image via io9.

Moving part 3

Two full nights we've spent in the new place.  And both times we could hear out neighbors fucking.  And I don't mean the occasional grunt or moan, and squeak of the bed, but the our neighbor lady screaming "Fuck me, aw yeah, oh harder!" And so forth.  We're wondering if are walls are really that thin or if they're really that loud.
Perhaps the most disturbing aspect of this, other than eventually running into them in the hall and trying not to giggle, is that they do this during the wee hours of the morn.  Like 3 or 4AM.  Either they stay up all night or get up at an obscene hour (tee-hee, double entendre).

Still seething

I was still angry and frustrated after work and the rest of the night.  And of course those feelings turned into anxiety, about money in particular.  Even knowing that we fine with it right, despite the massive moving expenses, I still feel so insecure and its all thanks to the lack of response over the raise.  It barely 9AM and I just pop a valium to quite the jittery feeling in my stomach.  Actually it feels like my entire torso... not butterflies, but a frightened bird trying to bash out of the cage that is my upper body.  Actually, let's make that birds, a few finches, that allows me to feel funny in different place at the same time.
It's also affecting my work, not in sense that I'm blogging instead of working, but that I'm not pursuing larger issues with the office's IT needs.  There want to switch to a new software package--fine, but it needs to be researched, someone has to be able to troubleshoot, someone had to install it, maintain it on a network, whatever, whatever, whatever.  But I've got no real incentive, other than boredom, to pursue this.  If I'm not going to get credit for all that work, by a title change and/or raise, then why should I do it?

Another book to add to my wish list

Best possible coffee table book evea, Dissection: Photographs of a Rite of Passage in American Medicine 1880-1930

It's only $30 on Amazon, and wait until I have something celebrate, then I'll get it.  Top image from NPR, lower image found on Amazon.  

New favorite site!

 Who Killed Bambi.   Of which a fair portion is NSFW.  I decided to just post deer related images.

What I did with my weekend...

Spent all Sunday being very hungover.  Now let me tell the story of how I came to be hungover on the Sabbath.  I got fucking loaded on Saturday.
M and I attended two birthday parties, one for our friend J and another for a friend of friend, who's name I don't know.  But the nameless one had bottle service at the Abby.

In total I consumed
2 Jack and cokes
4 Beers
1 Screwdriver
1/2 a Mojito w/ M
1 Lemon Drop

And it was the fucking Lemon Drop that put me over the edge.  I knew I was my limit, which is why I reluctantly spilt the Mojito with M.  I had been dying to go so I could kvetch about work.  I instead I wandered off, chatted w/ B and her girlfriend, L, and had the poisons Lemon Drop of doom.  I was fine until got home actually, surprisingly, and didn't feel sick until I was starting to fall asleep.  
Anyway the point is I now realize why I will drink so much.  To deal with anger, I was pissed about work, about being giving the run around regarding my raise.  So drinking hard not only dulls the frustration to a point where I can sit calmly and pull my hair out it also makes me feel like a bad ass.  Until I start throwing up, at least.  It does make me feel like I'm tough, rebellious, that I can do anything I want to if I put my mind to it.
Right now I'm sitting at my desk seething about the almost two full weeks that have gone by since I brought it up without any response.  I'm angry that I have to bring it up again, it feels like begging.  It feels shameful, as if my work is only worthwhile if I'm not asking to be paid for it, 'causes then it's worthless. Then it's optional.  It's unnecessary, unless it seems like I'm doing out the goodness of my heart. Blogging makes me feel slightly better, then I get to feel like I'm sticking it to them for the unpaid IT work.  Four months of unpaid IT work.

Moving part 2

I've been trying (admittedly half-assed) to find the patron saint of moving, but no luck.  I've decided to go with St. Jude the patron saint of desperate situations, impossible causes, and lost causes.  Not that we're at the point in the moving process yet, but we'll there.

Here's the only way I like my saints to look, kitschy.

Now, somebody who believes in this stuff, pray to him for me!

Another book to add to my wish list

After we've recovered from the move, and our expenses level out to pre-move amounts, I will acquire this

Junko Mizuno's new art book.  I feel giddy already, I think I'll a pill...

I would also like to get ahold these JM condoms... so could proudly display them in my new home.  In some place of obscene honor.  

Images via MZNews.

Moving day!

Actually, it's sign the lease and get copies of the keys made day.  But still, yay!  Since moving will be a slow and painful process I intend to use the new place like a tree fort during my lunch breaks (that's right my new home is across the street from my job).  I figure that even with a lack of furniture and possessions for a while that I'll just sit on the floor with my iPod and those mini speakers M got for free.

As we continue the great baby debate...

I look forward to reading Mutants: On Genetic Variety and the Human Body.  That's one of the most common topics discusses between myself and M, as we near our 30s (although I'm further from it than she...),  is the great baby debate.  We go over the pros and cons on a fairly regular basis; they're cute, they're fun, they're loud, they eventually talk back, etc. 
So, to aide us in our decision making process we have offered to take care of a friend's baby.  Or rather, I have been offered by M to babysit for a friend of her's, while they exercise.

Anyway, here's the cover of the book, which is often the very best part of a lot of 'em...

Tomorrow's moving day! Part 1 of 20 something episodes

We get to sign the  lease for our new place tomorrow!  Which means we get keys!  Which means we've got access to our first grown-up place together.  Even though M's a grad student, and I'm busy in the process of putting off grad school, so technically we are moving as students, or semi-students.  But this is the first time we've moved without a pending school deadline...
And we're buying new furniture, instead of collecting the best items out of the Ikea "as-is-section" over the course of several years for the new place.  I'm so happy that we won't be going through a phase where we are forced to use pillows on the floor in lieu of actually seating!

This weekend!

Between feverish moving prep, and actual moving, and a possible sojourn to Palm Springs in U-Haul as part of M's fiendish plot I plan to attend;

It's only all day....

One of the nicest things ever written about me

"[she] enjoys battling evil miniature giant robots and fashioning herself as anime characters."
It's so sweet and so true, a deliciously deadly combination.

Downside of pill popping

So, I've been on edge all week with the new lease and asking for a raise, etc.  So I've been taking quite a bit of valium to calm myself down.  However, all I want to do is rest.  I don't feel sleepy, I just want to lie down for a bit, then I wind sleeping for 20hrs straight.  I only ate snacks yesterday, a doughnut and cheesy tots and nothing else.  True that they do pack a good amount of calories into those small packages, but not really enough for a complete day's intake.

Anyway I would love one of these extremely cool USB flash drives;

Or better this one that be customized with your logo and url!

Just because it makes me smile

Read the rest of the comics at Snafu-Comics

Lunch

2 cups of coffee

A big bowl of pessimism and anger, with a delicious side of confusion because I'm still being encouraged to maintain the network and come up with various tech-a-lious solutions to different problems.  If they are planning on not paying me then they should really begin to discourage me from doing this kind of work.  le sigh...

Tattoo ideas

via divinogolfo.blogspot.com 

via Cabinet of Wonders 

Anger repression breakfast

1 Gross (taste, not amount) smoothie, of which I will be lucky if I drink half of it
1 valium
_________
Even though I got a maybe, a we'll see, I'm still pissed.  And now the pressure is fucking on.  Now I have to really prove that I am administering this network,  although so much of maintenance is mundane.
I've already begun looking for other jobs, following my dad's advice of applying, letting certain talkative co-workers become aware of this fact, and hopefully being offered another job.
M's pushing the lawsuit route.  I'm prepping.

Dinner/rant

1 cup of water
1 cinnamon roll
1 valium
_____________
I'm trying to determine if my current mood is beyond pissed or sad. I'm going to revamp my request using my old job description and to do a side by side comparison with the new duties and site the precedent that I have been given raises in the past when my duties have changed.
I think what has me the most upset is that my parent's immediate reaction to my boss's comment was to either apply for a new job or stick it out here. It's not that I expect them to offer a magical solution or to call my bosses and complain, I just want them to feel a sense of indignity that their daughter's work is viewed as less than because of gender and age. Is their advise to move from job to job betther than to demand my employer acknowledge my work?
I'm not going to take no for answer on this. I will not let that be an option here, if they want their IT work done then they will simply have to pay somebody or let the system deteriorate. I mean fuck, if my male colleague can say no to the work then so can I. Why would I not have the same right to not take on work that is outside what they hired me for?
I'm just a little ball of fury. Hard work means nothing if I'm not willing to demand that they acknowledge it. If I'm never going to ask then why should I make a fucking effort?

Lucnh

1 small fry
1 small coke
1 valium
1 can of diet coke
1 more valium

Let the job hunt begin...

A preview of my evening

Image via the gallery of the very talented Camille Rose Garcia .   If I combine ativan, valium and xanax with a strong martini do I get to hallucinate about the above image?  Or will I just  put myself into a coma?

Rant

Either I'm gonna get that goddamned raise or I'm going to be a full time blogger on company time.  That's the only I'll be able to justify the lack a pay for fucking IT work, if I get to spend so much time screwing around it feels like a part time job instead of a full time.
I do love a good fight.
Once again this reminds me to begin applying for art school and to start taking programing classes.  And to drink heavily once I get home.

Today's breakfast;
2 cups o' coffee and 1 valium

Vacation

We went to Palm Springs for a vacation this weekend.  We decided to skip our 30s and 40s and head right into vacations appropriate for the 50+ set.
It was a nerdcation on top of that.  Our main goals were to see the Mapplethope exhibit at the museum, see the library in Rancho Mirage, and stare at the wind farms.  This is what happens when I am left in charge of planning.  Which is also the reason why we got to stay at a Best Value Inn ($50/night!), which I did not realize was the only smoking room in the whole building.  It smelled like an old man's apartment, stuffy, cheap cleaners, and 20 years of cigaret smoke.  Now all the clothes we packed, even the ones we didn't wear, smell like smoke.
BTW to make our room extra cozy, and make at least appear to be clean, despite being a standard looking hotel room, we brought our own blankets and sheets.  And candles, which did nothing to help the smell or the ambience, but oh well.  The only thing that really made it look homey was all the beauty products scattered throughout.
The highlight of the trip was the last day, after we had checked out.  Instead of heading back to LA we went further east, to Joshua Tree where M lived for a little while.  It was surprisingly easy to find, despite that fact that it had been torn down.  That's right, torn down, after M's family moved a way (about a decade ago) no one brought/rented the property so the owner had it torn down.  Only the foundation was left.

If only this had been around when I was a girl

found via Contexts

The future is today! If the future involves giant robot babies...

via io9

Through this post I found the hypothesis of the uncanny valley, which essentially claims that people will feel revulsion to life-like robots. I didn't have this reaction, which I attribute to the watching of much robot/android anime during my formative years. Robot anime that had to do with discrimination against robots, so I guess that's all part of Japan's master plan, since they are the one's creating giant robot babies.

Mutant bunny!

It's got two noses!  Hooray for io9!
The governor of Vermont looks ready to veto gay marriage in his state, despite being passed by both the House and Senate, so the only thing that cheers me up at the moment are adore-horri-ble bunnies.  *squee*

Iowa overturns gay marriage ban!

When Iowa is more progressive than California, something is terribly amiss...

staple gun + thumb = bad times

I didn't staple my thumb, but I do have a huge bruise under my thumbnail.  I was tidying up some upholstery that came lose on the sofa and managed to my thumb in between the handle and the lever.  I thought I had broken my thumb, that now I had this pulverized sack of flesh hanging from my left hand.  Anyway, I now have a horrible bruise under the nail and I can't really grip anything too well because when I try it feels like the nail is being peeled away from the flesh.

Work

So I'm now the unofficial network admin around here.  I'm trying to get this one very stubborn computer and printer to work together, but every time I try to use the trouble shooter (for the printer and network) it tells me that it can't find anything wrong and to consult the network admin.  It feels like that scene out Catch-22,
Dobbs: [Over the radio] Help him! Help him!
Yossarian: Help who?
Dobbs: Help the bombardier!
Yossarian: I'm the bombardier, I'm all right.
Dobbs: Then help HIM, help HIM! 

This extra funny to me, because my dad used tell me that at his old job, when someone was having trouble with their project, program or whatever they were in charge of, they would always say this quote.  Or "open the pod bay doors, HAL."  

Glutton for poison

We've been fumigated, so the whole place reeks of poison.  But that's not enough for me, I had to test out my can of silk screen opener.  Apparently it's turpentine in a aerosol can.