13.2.09
Valentine's Underwear
I love the poster design.
What have I been doing this week?
Watching every episode of Real Sex that I could. For whatever reason HBO shows them at 8pm, perfect for prime family TV viewing time. Anyway, the last one had all this pony play stuff which actually managed to give me nightmares. Can you believe it? I also watched just the scary parts of the Hills Have Eyes II, Alien v. Predator; Requiem (which is no where near as good at Alien v. Predator), The Cell, and Seven last night, but they didn't phase me at all. But that goddamn pony play gave me a nightmare scary enough to haunt me the following day. You know what else gave me a nightmare, one that woke me up covered in sweat, where I had to wake M up, and turn on the lights, earlier this week? The trailer for Plague Town. Good god, I can't wait to see that movie. The last movie trailer that really scared me was High Tensions, so this bodes very well.
Brilliance from The Onion
Valentine's Day 2009
Relationship Tips
FEBRUARY 6, 2009 | ISSUE 45•07
Many couples find their relationships stuck in a rut after they've been together for a while. Here are some ways to rekindle the fires of love:
Remember: Fragrant roses, moonlit walks, and candlelight dinners are all wonderful ways to avoid addressing the real problems in your marriage
Communication is key to any relationship. Put down those binoculars, march right over there, and introduce yourself
Try buying your husband that watch he's always wanted, and then throwing it in the ocean to show that your love is more important than material things
Important: Homemade love coupons are not only fun, but they'll also save you hundreds of dollars when fucking your wife
Fresh fruit, fine wine and seafood are all known to arouse the passions. Cover the bed with them one night
Spice up your morning routine by shouting "Good morning, wife!" right into your sleeping spouse's face
Please, for the love of God, just stop doing that weird chewing thing with your mouth
Vary your lovemaking techniques by having make-up sex, break-up sex, and chased-around-the-front-yard-with-a-meat-cleaver sex
If you and your partner are having problems communicating, try and switch things up. Have your boyfriend call you an "impotent sack of balding failure," while you call him a "shrill, delusional hag of a woman"
Why not make a little game out of who has the higher income, with the loser having to clean the bathroom for a year?
Take your wife back to the place you had your first date, that magical spot in the Colorado Desert where you sipped wine beneath the stars, ran across the sand, and laughed with the ease of children, holding one other tight and—oh wait, that wasn't you. That was Clark and Emily Gundersen of Erie, NY
Relationship Tips
FEBRUARY 6, 2009 | ISSUE 45•07
Many couples find their relationships stuck in a rut after they've been together for a while. Here are some ways to rekindle the fires of love:
Remember: Fragrant roses, moonlit walks, and candlelight dinners are all wonderful ways to avoid addressing the real problems in your marriage
Communication is key to any relationship. Put down those binoculars, march right over there, and introduce yourself
Try buying your husband that watch he's always wanted, and then throwing it in the ocean to show that your love is more important than material things
Important: Homemade love coupons are not only fun, but they'll also save you hundreds of dollars when fucking your wife
Fresh fruit, fine wine and seafood are all known to arouse the passions. Cover the bed with them one night
Spice up your morning routine by shouting "Good morning, wife!" right into your sleeping spouse's face
Please, for the love of God, just stop doing that weird chewing thing with your mouth
Vary your lovemaking techniques by having make-up sex, break-up sex, and chased-around-the-front-yard-with-a-meat-cleaver sex
If you and your partner are having problems communicating, try and switch things up. Have your boyfriend call you an "impotent sack of balding failure," while you call him a "shrill, delusional hag of a woman"
Why not make a little game out of who has the higher income, with the loser having to clean the bathroom for a year?
Take your wife back to the place you had your first date, that magical spot in the Colorado Desert where you sipped wine beneath the stars, ran across the sand, and laughed with the ease of children, holding one other tight and—oh wait, that wasn't you. That was Clark and Emily Gundersen of Erie, NY
Done with dog sitting!
Note to self; taking care of two dogs makes me feel like my freedom has been confiscated, don't have a kid.
On the other hand you can teach a kid useful tricks like how to make a dry martini for you and get a perfect score on their SAT. Just not at the same time...
Anyway, three day weekend, hooray! See my Lincoln tribute below;
On the other hand you can teach a kid useful tricks like how to make a dry martini for you and get a perfect score on their SAT. Just not at the same time...
Anyway, three day weekend, hooray! See my Lincoln tribute below;
9.2.09
Help, I'm at work and have nothing to do!
I can't focus! I've done all the task that are the least bit interesting or demanding, but all the little stuff is just beyond my ability to concentrate on. But who cares about work? You want to read about my tawdry weekend, don't cha?
So this Saturday begin my week long job of dog and house sitting. It's always fun to be in someone else's home without them there. Especially if they have made an investment in a nice bed and a great sound system. And a fireplace in the bedroom. Anyway I spent the weekend alone, M went to visit her kin, which means I spent hours watching TV and drinking. I got to watch Seven, that was nice. I also got to watch HBO's Real Sex 4. It was great, the whole thing was from '91, it was a lesson in following trends more than anything else. The tip off that this documentary was not from this decade was the blond hair. The frizzy, big, Totally Hair Barbie, kind of blond hair. And the clothes, shoulder pads galore, plenty of neon, women actually wearing one piece bathing suits, the people in lose t-shirts, not the elegant slim fit ones we have today. Oh, and overalls. The show wasn't the least bit titillating, or titillatin' as I would say. I think it seemed so tame because I live in the age of the internet, where hostesses, upon running out of ways to entertain, resort to subjecting their guest to eel porn. Maybe the Taschen books have ruined the simple blond, tan, snub nosed 1990s strippers of the world for me? No, that can't be it.
Anyway, suffice to say that I spent my weekend doing nothing.
So this Saturday begin my week long job of dog and house sitting. It's always fun to be in someone else's home without them there. Especially if they have made an investment in a nice bed and a great sound system. And a fireplace in the bedroom. Anyway I spent the weekend alone, M went to visit her kin, which means I spent hours watching TV and drinking. I got to watch Seven, that was nice. I also got to watch HBO's Real Sex 4. It was great, the whole thing was from '91, it was a lesson in following trends more than anything else. The tip off that this documentary was not from this decade was the blond hair. The frizzy, big, Totally Hair Barbie, kind of blond hair. And the clothes, shoulder pads galore, plenty of neon, women actually wearing one piece bathing suits, the people in lose t-shirts, not the elegant slim fit ones we have today. Oh, and overalls. The show wasn't the least bit titillating, or titillatin' as I would say. I think it seemed so tame because I live in the age of the internet, where hostesses, upon running out of ways to entertain, resort to subjecting their guest to eel porn. Maybe the Taschen books have ruined the simple blond, tan, snub nosed 1990s strippers of the world for me? No, that can't be it.
Anyway, suffice to say that I spent my weekend doing nothing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
