I knew this would happen! I just knew it!

People have discovered the art of hacking road signs.  But should just write them off as pranksters or view them as the "crazies" that everyone should have listened to at the beginning of the movie?

Sick, again!

Yes I'm sick again.  Not the lady (read bloody, bloody period) kind of sick, but sore throat, stuffy and running at the same time nose, fever-y kind of sick.  For the entire weekend, and Monday too (I had too miss work), I wore the same nightgown and had fever induced nightmares.  Which leads me to the heart of this post, zombies.
Yes, I've become lax in zombie preparedness,  so now I've gone back to having nightmares about them.  Sure it could be the non-stop horror movie fest I indulged in over the weekend, but I prefer to think that it's my subconscious reminding me that I need to prep for the inevitable.

Sea Monsters!

Thank heavens for pollution and over fishing or the world would still be over run by sea monsters, just like in olden timey days!  See image below and be grateful you live in the 21st century.

On the other hand this may not be an image of long dead monsters, but a vision of the future of what we'll all mutate into in a few more years...

Did I make any new year's resolutions?

I can't remember, but I know I didn't write anything serious down.  I am completely unwilling to commit to self improvement.  I think I might continue with this stance.  And you know what will aid me in my pursuit of nothing?  Netflix, that's what.  I've watched sooo many bad horror movies over the past few days; ProLife, Dance of the Dead, The People Under the Stairs... This is my mindless TV watching substitution.     I've watched so many horror movies this year I'm not even the least little bit freaked out in a dark room.  But am I becoming desensitized to faux horror or are my pills making take on a "bring it on brain, I'm not scared of you" attitude?  Is it bad that I use horror movies to sooth myself to sleep?  It is just that movies I've been watching are so ridiculous that the cross the line into comedy?  Unintentionally of course.

A not so Green Pre-Xmas

I live with a baby Bee. After much buzzing I gave in and we had a very exciting gift opening frenzy. I hate to do it but I felt I had no choice, she was looking at me with those sad but hopeful eyes and how could anyone say no to that? Easy for others I know, but nearly impossible for me. I told myself last year that I wouldn't let this happen again, but instead of sticking to my word, I ended up giving in even earlier than last year. We are 9 days away from Christmas, and though we don't celebrate Christmas in a traditional baby-jesus-birthday religion influenced way, I wanted to shock her by giving her as much as possible all at once. I was supposed to prove a point; I know her very well and am willing to show my love in products of large U.S. currency value. My love is not stingy and that's all I wanted to say but I wanted to say it in a more traditional way. I think I eventually did just that. Hope she likes the ones I saved up for Christmas day, that's right my baby bee, now you will have to wait for the 25th, no more smiling til you melt my heart and my firm parts.

Midnight movies at home

So true to my word, I went home and watched Clownhouse.  It was kinda meh, escaped lunatics in clown make-up.  M got really into it.  Anyway the highlight of my movie watchin' evening was finally watching Dolls, I movie I've been dying to watch since I first saw at the scuzzy video rental place near my parents home.  This is that cover, the one that enchanted me so,

I wanted to see it so badly.  Anyway after watching it the other night, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the little girl me would have adored this movie.  Not only does the little girl, Judy, have the ability to reason with the dolls, who want to protect her, it also features two very cute 1980s punk girls, which during my childhood (and my adulthood) I think is sooo cool.  Too bad they're like the first to get killed.  *sigh*

While fucking around on YouTube...

I discovered a campy 1980s horror movie that I had never heard of before, Clownhouse.  WTF?  I thought I had a decent working knowledge of crappy horror movies, but apparently not.  My confidence is deeply shaken, but at least I know what I'll be watching when I get home tonight.  And for free, thanks to YouTube. 

 Apparently it was nominated for the Grand Jury Prize at Sundance, it was made '89( I was seven), and its directed by the guy who did Jeepers Creepers ( which I really liked, alot). How did I not know of this?!

What horror movies have taught us

Don't do dumb shit, i.e. don't split up, in the dark, in the woods, hitchhiking, stealing small objects from museum collections. Basic Scout/ elementary school stuff.

An once of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If you knock your nemesis down, don't run away, jump on its neck, remove hands and feet, set it on fire, just make fucking kill it! And don't put you face next to its' to see if its still breathing.

If you notice that all the lights in your world are dim, or flickering, and that there are very few people around, leave. Go to fucking Denny's or something. But not the Denny's near my house, go the nicer crowded one down the street.

You all may have noticed a new trend, where virgins are not the only survivors of horror movies. But let's not chance it. If you should find your self stuck in a spooky cabin, with no outside communications, on the anniversary of a terrible event, don't do it. If you don't anger the monster/psycho watching you from inside the wall, at the very least it will you distracted, thus a vulnerable target. Same things goes for showers and sleeping. When an animal senses a predator, or that it might be time to visit the vet, that critter is not going to take a nap, or anything else, on the middle of the floor. They know better. 

Cell phone suddenly out of network? Backtrack until it is in network again.

Be polite to the creepy. Not so polite that you're picking up hitchhikers (remember they taught us not to do that in elementary school and Scouts!), but you know, regular polite. This is a lesson also learned in fairy tales.

Run! Run like your life depends on it, 'cause it does.

Packin' heat. Things getting weird? Get a Saturday Night Special. Jus' saying that a girly punch is nowhere near as effective as causing a massive exit wound to slow down your tormentor. Bonus points if you tuck it in your pants, that way psychos don't realize the need to disarm you until its too late! Or, if you're like me, and can't aim, use a shotgun. Hopefully lugging something like that around will act as a deterrent. Or maybe a sawed off shotgun with a bulky coat...Please note that this method probably won't work too well on ghost( Nightmare on Elm St., The Haunting, 13 Ghost, etc. ) demons( Hellraiser), creatures that can only be killed by fire( The Thing, 1982 version of it)

This is sooo much easier to think about then the recession.

Zombies and how to prepare for them

If there is one thing that all children, preteens, teens and twenty-somethings worry about, it's about zombie attacks. I cannot walk in down the street without thinking of zombie escape routes. Things like, if I hop that fence will I be safe for a little while or will I only trap myself? I can't look at a apartment without thinking, "Are the walls in the apartment thick enough that zombies' couldn't just punch through them?"

I've recently added a new technique to zombie proofing repertoire after watching 28 Days Later, destroy the lower staircase! Everyone on the ground floor is already screwed with their easily accessible windows, they're already as good as un-dead. This keeps zombies from accessing the higher levels of the building, for us lucky tenants that dwell in the the upper echelons of survivor society. Unless of course the zombies are them new running, jumping acrobat style zombies.

I think that this might actually be a coping mechanisms for me. Instead a serenity prayer kind of thing, I distract myself my by preparing monster attacks. It can be quite time consuming.